Winners and Losers, and Those That Don’t Compete

What makes people so competitive?  Some people argue that it’s genetic.  Others believe it’s a more psychological cause, like a thirst for admiration or attention or a need to prove themselves.  I think that both are true in some cases.  Some people are raised to be competitors, some people just come by it naturally.  But is it really such a bad thing?

Everything in life can be made into a competition, and most things have been.  You can find reality TV shows with topics that range from finding a spouse to becoming more beautiful to redesigning your house.  Even if you try to avoid it, competition is a part of your life whether it’s for a job, a promotion, or even in the academic arena for valedictorian status.   I guess it’s not as much about finding out what makes people competitive as what makes competition so appealing to such a large percentage of the population.

For example, in my own experience I have found that I am more motivated to lose weight by eating healthy and exercising when it’s some form of competition.  Whether it be a competition within my own house, or in my workplace as it is this time,  I am just more motivated to work harder than if I was competing against just myself.  What does that say about me as a person?  It doesn’t even have to be a matter of winning for me.  I am relatively certain I will not win our workplace competition, and yet, I am more excited about my weigh in each week knowing that my friends and coworkers are also weighing in.  I don’t even need to lose more than the other people who share their relative success or failure, I am genuinely happy for those that also do well, but something about the word “competition” makes the idea that much more appealing.

I know plenty of people out there who fit the stereotypes of people who compete to make themselves feel better.  I know girls that have to be better at things than anyone else or else they feel their self-worth slipping.  I know people who feel like the always have something to prove.  I also know people who are on the other end of the spectrum who never feel the need to compete at all.  People who actively avoid competition, not because it scares them but because it doesn’t mean anything to them.  You have to wonder if these people’s lives are a little less stressful than the rest of us. 

Even so, I do think that some amount of competition is a good thing.  Especially if you can approach it in a healthy way.  If you are a person who can’t be anything other than the winner, I think life will be more difficult for you.  But if you are a person who can embrace a competition for the good aspects it provides, motivation to do better, a sense of satisfaction at a job well done, then a bit of competition will probably only make you stronger.

Boobs, Booze and Bitterness

As I have mentioned before, I work at a hotel.  It’s not only a hotel, but it a hotel and gaming establishment, which greatly influences the clientele we see.  Don’t get me wrong, probably 50% of the people we see are normal average travelers.  Some are here on business, some are here on vacation, but that 50% is just your average person, polite, happy to be here, and sober.  Then there are the rest.

For the remaining 50% of our guests, we get quite a variety of individuals.  It’s a weird combination that often leaves me bewildered. 

We get the partiers, those here for bachelor/bachelorette parties, birthday parties, wedding receptions etc.  These are the people who are often in their 20’s and early 30’s who lose all common sense and decency while they are here.  They drink too much, party too loud, and on occasion get arrested.  The girls get all dolled up in outfits that I am betting they would normally not be caught dead in, and the guys just act like complete asses, getting into verbal, and occasionally physical disputes with complete strangers as well as their own best friends.  Normally I would attribute this to an overindulgence in alcohol, but I haven’t noticed this problem at area bars, juts in establishments like ours, where they feel safe because their bed is only a few hundred yards away.

Another phenomenon I have become acquainted with in my time here is the ability some women have to use their undergarments as a purse.  I will admit that I have seen instances on TV of women who might have kept some cash in their bosom area, but the people I am speaking of are carrying around an entire purse worth of contents stuffed into their bras.  Seriously, I once saw a woman remove her wallet, a pack of cigarettes, a lighter, and her cell phone from her shirt.  Then these women try to hand over their ID and credit cards and I REALLY don’t want to touch them.

Then we get the people who are just bitter.  They spend a large amount of their free time here (not to mention their money) here and therefore feel like they own the place, and everyone who works here.  They are entitled and self-righteous and petty, and yet, it’s our job to treat them like guests each and every time.  It does kind of wear on a person to be confronted with such negativity all the time, but luckily we do have some extremely pleasant guest to counterbalance the negative Nancy’s that we encounter.

All of this adds up to an interesting mix of daily interactions.  Sometimes it’s good, sometimes it’s not, but at the end of the day I remind myself to rise above the bullshit and put on a happy face, because while they are paying for the privilege to be here, I get paid, so I’m the one who ends up ahead! 

New year, new attitude!

This past week I celebrated my 27^th *gasp* birthday.  I, like many people, used to dread birthdays.  I mean who wants to get older? Except wait- if we weren’t getting older we’d be dead (or worse getting younger and NO ONE wants to go back to those awkward teenage years).  So rather than being depressed about getting yet another year closer to the big 3-0 I decided to embrace this birthday as the first day of the rest of my life! I took the opportunity to do a bit of shopping, get a new haircut, and celebrate with my family at a great restaurant we usually wouldn’t indulge in.

                One of the things missing in my life currently is peace and quiet.  I attribute that mostly to my almost 3 year old.  And when he’s having a calm moment, there’s always Zsa Zsa, my Bichon.  She’s gotten much better with age (she’s going on 5) but she is still pretty high maintenance.  Since it has been quite a looooooong time since I had a chance to sleep through the night without waiting for Jack or Zsa Zsa to wake me up, I decided that for my birthday I wanted a night AWAY.  I didn’t have to go far, I just wanted to be able to get into bed and go to sleep without a dog laying on my legs and a son who might awake at any moment with a bad dream.  I hopped online and made myself a reservation at a nearby Embassy Suites (they have an indoor pool, a bar, and free breakfast, what more could a girl ask for) and decided I would check in right after my birthday dinner.  I didn’t end up swimming, but the room was wonderful and having a king sized bed all to myself while watching a movie that I wouldn’t have to pause for any interruptions was heavenly.

                During my quiet time, I realized that aging is all about how you approach it.  Kids think getting older is exciting.  My son is anxiously awaiting turning 5, because he has already been told that’s when he will be old enough to go to a football game.  Kids get to have really cool birthday parties (I’m already brainstorming about Jack’s 3^rd birthday which will be Toy Story themed and isn’t until April) and everybody celebrates the new year they are embarking on.  Kid’s ages are marked with accomplishments and goals, potty training at 2, pre-school at 3 etc.  For my 27^th year, I want to set some goals.  Maybe I won’t get all of them met, but that will just leave something for 28!  This year I want to work on getting in shape, and keeping up with my running more consistently.  I also want to work on my language skills, I used to be almost fluent in French, and it would be a shame to lose it completely.  Another goal is to start actually saving money, after all I only have 15 years to save for Jack’s college education!  Not to mention I’m going to need a new car in the next year, maybe year and a half.  Saving money would be easier if I was making more money, so workplace advancement is another goal of mine.  I’m sure I will think of more things I would like to accomplish as the year goes on.

  As adults we should try and get a little more excited about getting a year older.  It means we have a whole year of additional experience under our belts!  A whole year in which we tried new things, read new books, made new friends, or saw new places.  If you keep life interesting, every year can be celebrated as a new opportunity to have a better year than the one before.

Mommy Wars

*Overheard at a local shopping mall, in a kid's play area:*

Mommy 1: “Maggie is doing so well at preschool!  She is really starting to get a hang of reading, and she is such a little artist!  She brings home a new painting every week!  I'm running out of room on the fridge."

Mommy 2:  "I know just what you mean!  Sarah is counting to 30 now and just seems to be learning new words every day!  Her French tutor says she will be able to pass as a native speaker when she gets older!"

Mommy 1: "Where did you say Sarah is going to school these days?"

Mommy 2: "We have her enrolled in My Kid is Special University.  They have a really wonderful program."

Mommy 1: "Oh... Yeah we looked at their program as a backup but felt it wasn't really challenging enough, you know what I mean? Mommy Smiths son Tommy goes there and he isn't very good at playing with others.  That's why we put Maggie in My Kid Is Better than Yours Day School.  Their waitlist was long, but we put her name on the week after she was born."

*The conversation goes awkwardly silent and a few minutes later the Mommies are graced with the presence of their daughters, both of whom look to be about 3 1/2.  One has snot running down her face, the other has extraordinarily messy hair and chocolate all over her shirt.*

This encounter really got me thinking.  Obviously I altered the names of the schools, but the rest of the exchange is practically verbatim.  At first I was shocked and a little embarrassed to be overhearing this conversation.  Then after I had gotten myself and my son as far away from the "one-upping" as possible and we were on the way home, I started thinking about everything that had been said (and implied) and realized I hear conversations like these all the times.  Thankfully, very few are had with me, since most of my friends don't have kids yet!

Mommies, (and parents in general) are so busy making sure everyone knows how perfect their children are, they constantly create these environments where everything is a competition.  I mean, a little bit of healthy competition is good for kids, but only when they are old enough, and when it is based on their own abilities, rather than their parents.  It's great to be proud of your kid, but when your pride is based on your kid being better than someone else's it becomes dangerous.  What happens when you come across that kid who is actually smarter than yours, or better at something?  Does that mean you lose?  And if you lose, whose fault is it really, yours or your child's?  I mean, the 3 year old who hasn't proved to be a child prodigy (yet) can hardly be held accountable for their parents’ unreasonable expectations.

It doesn’t help that there are those myths floating around about those super human children.  You know, the ones who are potty trained by 1 ½ and teach themselves to read at 3.  These are the same kids who by 5 are fluent in 3 languages and later on in life graduate high school at age 15.  While I’m sure these kids exist, they aren’t the norm, and you probably shouldn’t expect your child to be that “one in a million”.

Kids all develop at different rates, just like they grow at different speeds.  Some kids start talking early and never stop.  Some don't start talking till much later, but when they do they start with full sentences.  Nothing is wrong in either case.  Until a doctor is worried, it really isn’t something to stress about.  Another biggie is potty training.  My son will be 3 in April and it has been a LOOOOONG battle to get him into "big boy underpants" as they are referred to in my house.  He still isn't 100% there, but even my own mother was pressuring me to get on it.  The problem is, when kids don't want to do something, they don't.  It's that simple.  You can put them in a pull up and bribe them with treats, but until it clicks for them you are just banging your head on a brick wall trying to make them cooperate (and you will be cleaning up a lot of messes).

Of course one of the biggest battles being fought in the Mommy Wars is not what makes your kid better, but what makes you better as a mommy.  The fight rages on over the stay at home mom's versus the moms who work outside the home.  People get so vocally negative about the choice others make in their own homes, as if there is only one right way to do things.  I'm not sure that there will ever be a consensus on what is right, but hopefully as time marches on and more and more households with Mom as the sole bread winner emerge, or a stay at home Dad’s get more common, there will at least be a movement to let everyone make their decision without fear of reprisal.

Then there is the "mother" of all confrontations.  This one seems to be more regional, but is a hot button issue wherever you give birth.  To breast feed or not to breast feed.  I gave birth to Jack in a smallish town in Central California.  At our hospital, there wasn't an option to "opt out" of nursing.  The nurses make sure to teach you and reteach you several times a day all the ways to get your baby to nurse properly.  Before they let you leave the hospital they will make sure you plan on nursing, and give you plenty of resources should you get home and have difficulties (or second thoughts).   I'm not sure what would happen if you flat out refused, but I can imagine it wouldn't go over well.  They will guilt you into believing the only way to ensure your baby doesn't spend their childhood fighting off every illness imaginable is to nurse.  Not saying there is anything wrong with nursing, by all means, if you are able and wanting to nurse, do!  It's great for bonding, and there are some additional health benefits (not to mention nursing mother burn tons of calories just by feeding their offspring!).  However if it's not for you, or for whatever reason it just doesn’t work, don't let anyone make you feel like you are a bad mom for turning to formula instead. 

It really amazes me when I think about how often mothers take the opportunity to criticize rather than sympathize with their peers and the woes of parenting.  I feel like this type of judgmental behavior spills over onto the way we raise our kids, and they in turn become judgmental little people, without even an understanding that there is more than one way to do things, more than one way to live, more than one "right" choice.  With that in mind, I am making it my goal this year to make sure that as my son gets older I continue to raise him to be understanding and accepting rather than critical and narrow minded.  I want to make sure I support him whether he is the smartest kid in the class or not, and even if he decides he doesn't want to wear his "big boy underpants" I hope he knows I'm proud of him anyway.

January- The beginning of a whole New Year!

Out of curiosity, I was wondering what January’s “theme” of the month was.  You know, like February is Black History Month, etc.  So naturally, I googled it.  As it turns out, January has many causes (actually most month’s do) some of which are obvious (Get Organized Month) while others are not (it is also California Dried Plum Digestive Health Month).  A lot of the themes for January were pretty good though and really got me thinking…

January is Celebration of Life Month.  Since January is the beginning of the New Year, it’s a good time to start celebrating life and the things that make it worth living!  It’s a new beginning, a way to start fresh and make sure that you are living the life the way you want to, rather than just going through the motions.  We all have things in life we don’t want to do, work, pay bills, etc. but life shouldn’t be about those things.  It should be about the things you enjoy, spending time with loved ones, traveling, reading a good book, whatever makes you happy! I have decided to celebrate life by taking some extra time out to spend with Jack doing things we like to do together.  They don’t have to be big things, but even everyday things that we both enjoy, like shopping at Target and getting a frappucinno to share, or riding on the carousel at the mall can be a good way to celebrate!

January is also Change Your Stars Month.  This one sounds pretty cool, it’s all about realizing you can choose your own destiny and that nothing about your future is set in stone.  Sometimes it’s good to remember that if there is something you really don’t like about your life, it’s up to you to change it!

There is also the more obvious Get Organized theme, which I think is a good plan for a lot of people.  I always feel better when everything is easily found right where it belongs.  It’s also a good month to get organized, just because it’s a common resolution for the New Year and so lot’s of places sell organizational supplies (tubs, filing boxes, cabinets) at a discount to take advantage!  I am relatively organized now, the hope is that I can stay that way!

Mentoring Month is yet another theme.  I find this one interesting because it’s about giving someone else a new start as opposed to yourself.  Plenty of people need mentoring, new moms, young moms, mom’s to be are good places to start.  Younger or new coworkers, people in your church or community who might need a little extra help, there are plenty of people who could use mentors.  It doesn’t mean you have to hold their hands on a daily basis, and some people aren’t looking for help, but sometimes that one piece of good advice can go a long way.

One more theme that is along the lines of obvious is Shape Up Month.  One of the most universal New Year’s resolutions is weight loss.  I would imagine that gym memberships increase by at least 300% in January.  American’s are notoriously overweight, but lucky for us, there are plenty of different fitness opportunities out there for us!  Beyond different weight loss programs like Slim 4 Life, Jenny Craig, or Weight Watchers, social consciousness about healthy eating has been raised to all new levels.  Fast food restaurants everywhere are starting to offer healthier options, and even gaming systems (Wii) are coming up with fun ways to exercise and burn calories.  Not to mention with some of the new health reform laws that are being implemented, many workplaces are trying to help their employees beat the bulge.  Our company has a Weight Watchers program on property and has made the cafeteria a much healthier place by offering only things that are considered within a healthy range, like whole wheat pasta instead of regular, and no gravy to go with the mashed potatoes.  There will always be people who continue to live unhealthy lifestyles, but for those of us that want to get in shape, there is plenty of support!

So there you are, lots of reasons to love January!  Hopefully it will be a productive month all around!

2011- The Year Of The Mommy Blogger

Well, at least it is for me!  Happy New Year everyone!  This year I have chosen to kick off the New Year a little differently.  Rather than the typical resolution making (which inevitably leads to guilty feelings of failure by the end of January) I have resolved to do things that give me a sense of accomplishment.  One of those things is starting a blog of my very own (don’t misunderstand, I am still resolving to lose some weight this year, but that just makes me like every other American woman between the ages of 18 and 60). 

There are a million blogs out there written by all kinds of people, and thousands of those are written by moms.  Just google “mommy blogs” and there are over 600,000 results, including a mommy blog directory!  Which begs the question, why would I want to add to this ever growing population?  Well, I happen to have a bit of free time on my hands, access to a computer, and plenty of things to write about!  I have lots of random views, experiences, and advice to share (I promise to only give advice that has worked for me personally!) and rather than confusing  my coworkers, friends and family with a stream of endless emails expressing these thoughts, why not post it where only willing participants are subjected to my craziness?

Why should you read my blog instead of the other 600,000?  Maybe you shouldn’t.  Or even better, maybe you should read them all!  But if you are a normal human and don’t have time for that, I will tell you a little bit about myself to help you decide if my blog is right for you.  I am a twenty-something single mom, raising my son with the help of my parents.  We live in the Midwest, but I am an Army brat, so I have lived a dozen different places in the past twenty years.  I enjoy traveling and meeting new people and having new experiences.  I am in love with everything Disney, and consequently am a bit of an encyclopedia on Disney parks and vacations, and have taken quite a few Disney vacations myself.  I work in the wonderful field of hospitality, which as most people who work in this field know, isn’t always so wonderful or hospitable.  To be more specific, I work at a hotel front desk, which means I meet lots of new people every day, some of which are great!  This job has taught me a lot about the travel industry, and it changes every day, so at least it has that going for it.  Plus it’s a job with a paycheck and health insurance, and let’s face it, in this economy, that in and of itself is a huge bonus!

So, what’s with the title?  My son Jack is the most important person in my life.  As it turns out, he’s pretty important to a lot of people.  My mom has lots of pictures of him at work, and everyone she works with is always commenting on them.  On the rare occasion I stop by her office, rather than introducing me as her daughter, she introduces me as Jack’s mom, which I find entertaining (I am choosing not to be offended that she doesn’t directly claim me as her offspring) ergo the title.  While I know my identity is not solely wrapped up in being a mother, it is a pretty big part of who I am, and after all, I am very proud of being Jack’s mommy!

There you have it, my very first blog post!  Hopefully you enjoyed it and will come back for more!  If not, hopefully you will at least refrain from leaving rude comments!  Here’s hoping 2011 is a good one!